Christmas Meditations

It seems no matter how much I want to post regularly to this blog I just can't get it done. It's not that I don't have source material....I've barely scratched the surface of all that I've written. I guess I' write more if I thought it was any good.

But I do appreciate the four of you who stop by to read these.

Today's post is from Christmas Eve 2013.

Mystery

I was lost in darkness

Knowing only despair

Alone and wounded

Battered by a world

That wanted only

To hurt me more

But God had other plans

He set out to save me

Worthless as I was

No price would be too great

To bring me home

Safe in his arms

The Son

Left glory and

Wonder beyond compare

He came to earth

To a man like me

Little child

Heaven’s King

Sleeping ‘neath the stars

A life to come

A cross to bear

A death to die for me.

December 24, 2013

Don't Be Afraid To Take The Next Step

We all struggle and yet we seem to be afraid to admit that struggle. I think we do no favors to ourselves and others when we cultivate an image of constant strength and victory. I tell my kids often that we are not defined by our victories but by our defeats. 

One Step Follows Another

Elijah

Hid in a cave

And Jonah

Sat in the shade

And they both

Wondered what

You were up to

I must confess

I often wonder

Why things have

To be the way they are

For Your thoughts

Are beyond mine

And Your wisdom

Past my imagination

I’m glad

That my struggles

Are all known

To You

And my questions

Don’t scare You

Like they do me

I live my life

Not knowing

While wrestling

With the questions

Yet you

Wait for me

To seek You

For the answers

Back in the Saddle Again

After a long absence I have finally decided to come back to this blog. This piece comes from sometime in the last four years, but I cannot place it with any more certainty than that.

For what it's worth; here it is.

Growing Older

I once thought

I was wise

Now I know

Better

Our struggles

Define us

Our dreams

Propel our hopes

Love

Flees

Those who abuse

And comforts

The mourners

I hope I’m never

Half as smart

As I think

I am

Feeling Old

May has been a rough month....My oldest son graduated from nursing school. My oldest daughter got married and my twins each moved away from home for the summer. I certainly understand that those events are not all equal in importance or affect, but they were  biggies all the same.

I have been trying to write all month long...but the words and the emotions were a touch too raw. I was finally able to break through just a couple of days ago and this poem was the result. I am sure that there will be more to come...

and so here is the first.

Daddy’s and Daughters

I held you

In my arms

Blue eyes, blond curls

And laughter

We danced

You stood

On my feet

A smile

A mile wide

We danced

An open floor

Surrounded

By family and friends

In your wedding dress

We danced

The years

Took you away

Buy my heart

Holds you forever

And we dance.

I think I wrote this one after watching an episode of "The Twilight Zone." I'm not sure I could recommend reading it, but it's in the stack so it goes on here.....

Don't read if depressed...

Regression

Endless seas wash away

Timeless places.

Memories are haunted by

Loves never forgotten tears.

Meteors spreading in never-ending paths,

Clouds disappearing

But never to die.

Water’s reflections

Tell us no lies.

Man is a mortal thing

Always returning to his beginning –

Dust.

Did You notice I was away?

I've been away for a little bit....did you notice?

Gone But Not Forgotten

I saw you in my dreams.

Your smile undimmed,

No tears had yet

Crossed your cheeks,

Your eyes bright with life.

I wonder where you are now,

So many years gone by.

Has sorrow bowed you?

Does laughter still fill

Your heart?

I miss you

And what I felt

In your presence.

My hope is that

You still know joy,

That your heart still smiles.

Thinking About the Unthinkable

Sometimes as I watch others go through times of great struggle and loss I try to imagine what might be going through their hearts and minds. This is one of those moments.

Farewell

He stood alone

Having rushed the others away

It was time for him

To say goobye

She was taken

Away too soon

The battle all too brief

Leaving time only to grieve

Removing his coat

Casting aside the tie

The first shovel

Releasing his heartache

Sweat soon

Mixed with tears

And a man who never cried

Buried the best part of himself. 

Jan. 2014

Not Good...But Kinda Funny

Ok...I admit it. This poem is NOT very good. But it is kinda funny and does accurately reflect my feelings during some of my classes...at every level of my education.

So, here it is...

Just Another Monday Class

Here I sit in class

With Dr. Jim.

It’s hard to stay awake

While listening to him.

Around the bush

We constantly beat.

But the rabbit we’ll never catch

In fact, it’s a dead heat

I’ve taken no notes

But wasted lots of paper,

Drawing many doodles

While he tells

Of another  caper.

I don’t want to say

Dr. Jim is a bore,

But what I’d really like to do

Is run screaming out the door.

Confessions of a Wounded Soul

Being a pastor is hard. I know that only a few of my colleagues would make that admission, but after more than 30 years in the ministry I'm not afraid to admit that. I love the church and have given my entire adult life to its nurture and growth. Unlike some, I have not and will never give up on the church...but I sometimes wonder if I have the strength to finish the course.

This week's offering from the stack reflect's this one man's struggle to stay the course.

A Servant’s Lament

When did my joy

Slip away?

Was it in the shuffling

Of papers,

The ringing of the phone?

Or the million minute details?

When did your voice

Get drowned out?

Was it in the caustic

Casual remarks?

Or the meeting after meeting

After meeting?

Where did I

Lose sight of you?

Was it in the hospital

Or the nursing home

Or the thousands of

Encouragement visits

With faithless flocks?

I love the church,

The body of Christ

But it demands a massive

Price

But that doesn’t matter

I love it so...

So I press on.

Hear my cry

Give me strength

Give me sight

Help me keep pressing

On through the night.

2012 

When All of Life is Worship

I have been a follower of Christ (yes, I'm a Christian!) since I was 10 years old. I have always loved worship.There's something special in the gathering of the people of God. I grow excited when I think of heaven and the worship that will take place there...a worship with a scope and power that I can only imagine.

But that doesn't stop me from trying....

Offering

What words can describe

Your glory.

That glory from which

Sin and darkness

Hide.

Bathed in radiance

The angels worship

Lifting hearts

And hands

Praise pouring from their lips

I can do nothing

Except fall to my knees

Offering my heart

For You to do as you please

I am yours

2012

A Long and Winding Road

It goes without saying that the life of faith is a difficult one. I have discovered that my more recent works, those in the last 10 years or so, reflect that difficulty more than the earlier ones. I guess that's a function of age and my health struggles.

At any rate....here's one from 2012.

Following

My eyes

Are dim

And my muscles ache.

The years have

Taken a toll too great.

But I will not bow

To time or age,

I will not stop

Or turn aside,

I will not falter,

Will not fail

For there are still

  New heights to scale.

My Savior gave

His life for me,

Shed His blood

On Calvary.

How can I give any less

To Him than my very best?

So on I go,

Taking another step

Following Him. 

Waiting and Watching....Hoping

Oddly enough, I can't remember writing this one so I can't give you any background to this particular poem. I would guess, based on the structure and message, that this was written sometime during my college years (1978-1982). But I still like the message. 

My Turn

Lord,

Open the door

And I will go.

Give me

The words

And I will speak.

Give me

The strength

And I will serve.

Give me

The heart

And I will love.

Let the stones

Be silent,

Mute the heavens

So that I might

Raise my life

In praise.

I love you

Lord God.

Just a Poem

No introduction. No witty remarks....just a poem.

Moving On

Lord

Give me strength

For one more step.

My feet are almost as heavy

As my eyelids.

I’m washed

In my own tears,

Wondering,

New questions

For old problems.

I wonder

If my faith

Is really faith at all.

You are so big,

I’m so small.

Can You, do You

Hear my cry?

Will you answer?

Or is it

Will I hear?

Confusion, Confusion, Confusion

Sometimes I have a real understanding of what I'm writing, or at least trying to write....and then there are other times, like this one. I guess that's all I have to say about that....

Consistency

Help me not to be

Blind to what I see

But let me be aware

Of the moving of your hand

The difference

Between wants and needs

Is trusting you

To reveal your will me to me

I want to walk

Paths you trace

Caring only about

Finishing this race

The struggle is not

To believe or doubt

But simply

To live faith out

2012

Watching My Daughters Grow Up

My daughters were home this past week on a school break. The girls are 19 and 21. I am amazed at how grown up my children have become.  Considering those facts...this poem fits well in the stack.

So I share it with you.

Daughter

Looking at you

I realize

That soon

You won’t need me

Anymore.

Time passed

Without my notice

And now

Your nearly ready

To go out on your own.

It’s too late now

And I can’t bring back

The past.

I must face letting

You go

With so much left unsaid.

God watch over

This woman-child of mine,

Be for her

What I cannot be

As she moves into her time.

Guard her steps,

Hold her heart,

Hold her close

To You.

What I Long For

I have been a believer, follower, Christ-follower, Christian for 42 years. I've seen things, and had things done to me in all those years that would shock, disappoint and disillusion some. But I can't quit...I can't give up on Jesus. And I can't give up on the church either..

Long ago....as a teenager, I prayed that God would be as real to me as He was to Abraham, Moses and Joseph. My wife and I prayed that same prayer when we married and continue to pray that prayer for both ourselves and our children today.

Recently my oldest son posted this to facebook...."I don't want that 'Old Time Religion," I want Jesus. I couldn't say it any better than that.

Worship

Father in heaven,

Great is your love.

A precious gift

Given by your Son

Who left a throne above

To hang on a cross

For us, for us.

We bring an offering,

All that we are.

We long to serve You,

We want to be where

You are.

Hear our prayer

And pour our your Spirit.

Wash over us

We pray.

Holy God

Be with us today.

We give our lives

And all that we have

To You.

Pour us out

Glory to Thee.

Back in the Saddle Again

I have been under the weather for two weeks and didn't realize that I haven't blogged in all that time. If you've missed these often disturbing ramblings I apologize. But I'm back now....here to disturb your sleep with troubling verses. LOL!

There are a few friends whom I have lost touch with through the years. Even mighty Facebook has not helped me find them. To be truthful....I wonder about some of them quite often. This poem, written in 2009, expresses my longing to know how they are.

For a Friend

I

Often wonder

What’s become

Of you.

What have the years

Taken?

What have they given?

Would I know you?

Do you

Remember me

Well?

Am I dreaming?

Have you found

Your hopes?

My greatest wish

Is that you have.

Unlucky in Love

To be honest with you, I was lonely throughout high school....but too afraid of being rejected by a girl to do much of anything about it. I guess that makes me pretty normal....at least back then and in terms of the whole guy-girl thing.

Anyway...this one has found its way to the top of the stack and so I shall now share it with you. All the way from 1977....

Feelings

It was pain that brought us together.

Two lonely people,

We started to share.

The feelings between us became more than close,

Both afraid

Yet willing to risk again.

But time drove us apart for a season

And when I saw you again

I felt the same

But fate had replaced me with another.

I felt pain but hid it.

But feelings were reborn,

We were sharing again

I could feel the same,

But could you?

If we’d only had our chance.

Voices from the Past

To be honest there is no particular order to the poems that I post. These pieces lie stacked in a plastic box at my house or are bound in journals that I have bought through the years for the very purpose of filling them with poetry. What I have been doing is what became the genesis of this blog...I take the top poem from the stack and type it into a file on my computer. I make notes of the date written and any other information that they bring back to mind (which is surprising in its amount).

At any rate....this is the second poem that I had published. It dates back to the early 1970's. Life was pretty difficult in those days, and the writings of the time reflect that.

Here it is....from somewhere around 40 years ago...

I Am Hurt

I am hurt,

Bleed my heart,

Drain your sorrows.

The sting of bitter hurt burns

As no flame can.

There is no mending of the wound,

I know I shall die soon.

All these things I shall never see again

Was my life loss or gain?

Love hath forsaken me

Burn, lonely heart, burn.

Taste the bitter sweet of my death

Life has had its turn.

In Silence the Heart Breaks

As a pastor I see and come face to face with mourning in many different forms. In addition to all my years as a minister I also worked three years in a funeral home in New Orleans. I am familiar with death, suffering, and pain. Sometimes the griefs of others affects me more than others....This is one of two written recently as I reflected on friends who are mourning the loss of loved ones.

Lonely

How do you mourn

When there are

No more sobs;

When the tears

Are as exhausted

As the soul?

I only want

To rest

For what’s left

Of my life –

A broken

Empty existence

Without you

There is no joy

Will I ever

Sleep

Without

Reaching for you?

You’re gone

Taking the

Best of me

I don’t

Want to go on

Without you